this doesn't feel right.

i can't live like this. i need him.

it takes so much for me just to get out of bed in the morning.
that's why i haven't been to school since thursday.
because i'm fucking fucked up. seriously.
i'm trying my best. i'll do whatever it takes.

you know, i doubt that he'll take me back.
even though the only reason we're not
together is because he thinks that i was
trying to break up with him.

i wasn't. i can assure you that that is not
what i wanted. it's never what i wanted.
it was the exact opposite of what i wanted.

if i didn't want to be with him, do you really
think that i'd be crying over him, waking up
ever night and just literally crying until i can't
cry anymore. yesterday, i could barely even
talk. i wouldn't want anyone to ever see me
like i was yesterday. it was sad.

really really sad.

i devoted my life to him. and i gave my heart
to him. and trust me, he still has it. he will
always have it. because i can't take it back.
i don't have it in me to take it back. i don't want
to take it back. i want him to have it. and i don't
want anything more than to have his heart again.

i want it so bad.

and i'll do whatever it takes. whatever it takes.
it's sad what love can do to a person. what love
did to me. he was mine. my everything. he still
is my everything. i just don't have the right to call
him mine. because he doesn't want me anymore.

i'm trying my best. it seems like my best just isn't
enough for him. but i don't know. i'll still give it my
all. because i've already felt this worst pain there is
possible. and that's heartbreak.

my heart's been broken over and over again.

by only one person. one sweet, innocent, beautiful
person. over and over again. and yet he's still the
one that keeps it beating. knowing that he's okay.

and that he's still breathing; that's what keeps me
going. because like i said, he's my everything.

my everything that just doesn't belong to me.