when you fall in love with someone

it's hard to except the things they've done in the past, the people they've dated, the things they've said about that person. like, i don't know if it's like that for other people. but it totally is for me.

i'm the jealous type, and i don't like it when i hear something about the person i love and the things they've done with someone else, or even the things they've said.

i can take things out of context a lot. i know i do. and that's not anything i'm afraid to admit. but honestly. if someone where to tell someone that they'd love them forever, and that they'd love them more than anyone in the world, wouldn't you get heartbroken if that person where to tell you that, say, two months later? because you never know. that someone can loose that 'everlasting love' for you too, and just go and find a new person to love forever and always.

i'm kind of going through that now. and i know i'm putting a lot of shit out on the table, telling a lot of my secrets to people who probably don't really even give a damn, but i need to get this out. it's been eating at my heart for what seems like forever now. now if i were that girl that got left behind, the one that was promised that someone's heart, i wouldn't be too happy either. and i know she probably isn't / wasn't happy when she found out. so, i'm not mad at it. but i'm sad because i know that could happen to me any day now. and that's fucked up.

another thing that's fucked up: when people lie to you. you know that they're lying but they keep telling you that they're not. and you want to believe them, because you don't want to hurt their feelings.

god damn it, i know you're lying. so you might as well fess up and tell the fucking truth. you're just making it worse for yourself, loosing all the trust you've ever had from me.

seriously, i don't understand. if you want to spend your life forever with someone, then you need to tell the truth about everything and anything that you've lied about before. because then you're gonna get found out, and fucked up. you never know, you just might end up getting dumped.

i won't hurt you if you tell me the truth. i know that sometimes the truth hurts. but knowing that someone's lying to you hurts ten times worse. so, please stop being a fucking dumb ass and just confess.

and then you might use the excuse that you were afraid i'd break up with you. i'm gonna break up with you eventually
if you don't tell me the god damn truth. it doesn't matter if i already know. what matters is that i know you're lying to me and you still deny it. if anything, that's what's gonna make me break up with you.

i know half of this didn't make sense to the three people who probably read it, but it makes sense to the person that it's supposed to make sense to, or at least i hope.

this shit just had to get out of my head.